DUMP

As for 2010....Let us start with some laugh! Hows that sounds?

The Perfect Dump.
Every once in a while, everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump.
Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too Many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....

The Chilli Dump (a.k.a. the Japanese Flag).
Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. This dump makes the bowl look like Hiroshima (after the bomb), it stays with you all day stinging your ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like a japanese flag.

The Empty Roll Dump.
Relief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find an empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could use the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Use the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper " must face... pull up your kecks, tighten your cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks!

The Splash Back Dump.
This one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet - and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back.
Tip of the day: blot instead of wiping.

The Childbirth Dump.
This one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it.

The Machine Gun Dump.
Best utilised in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquillity like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16... damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump.
You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following:

1. Flush the toilet.
2. Drop loose change on the floor.
3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favourite opera.

The Cling-On Dump.
You've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little ba***rd just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors...

The Whole Roll Dump.
No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times.

The Encore Dump.
Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are about To leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores...

The Houdini Dump.
You go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep down the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes, as you can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.

Undying Quotes !

Hey readers!

I love quotes. I even bought books for it! Personally - it simply make you moves. Your brain moves - your soul moves..to which direction you never realize before. Someone emailed me these quotes some time ago.

As promise - this is your 1st Share...

So -

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

My ever First Words - Bismillah!

WELCOME WELCOME AND WELCOME...

Gosh - Finally, i write something in this blog!.
I wont write long - for sure. I dont like to write. But i adore talking!

My initial intention creating a blog is to share things, info that i heard, i saw, i read, experiences. With hope, that everybody knows what i knew. Great right?

So - keep on visiting me! There'll be more to come...